Alright, first off.
No, I haven't read them.
Now, lets move forward.
Back in January or February? I had this girl ask me if we had the book and I had no idea what it was. Anyways, I spent a good 20 minutes looking for it and we didn't have it. Maybe a week later I got a phone call asking for the 2nd book and we didn't have that yet or something.
Anyways, long story short, I knew something was up. Why were all these women suddenly asking about this damn book series. And maybe a couple days later, I saw a thread about it on Inheritance forums (the forums I use SOMETIMES).
I learned it was Twilight Fanfiction. Published Twilight Fan fiction.
Anyways, I discovered it was pretty much smut. The author was asked to publish and she just pretty much changed the names since it was an AU.
SO, I've spent the last several months judging everyone I see picking up the books at work (we have a book table right in front of my department) and asking how much the box set was. I hadn't even read any excerpts from them, but I figured that since it was Twlight fanfics, it had to be terrible and because it was full of smut and from ff.net....it was probably the typical and terribly written sex scene. Those ones where the writer is incapable of saying the words: vagina, dick, cock, penis etc etc and replaces them with manhood, member, sex, womanhood etcetc. Also, when they write out the actual length of the penis and all that other shit. Holy shit, don't do this people.
Not saying that they can't be done, it's just that most of the lemons are written by little girls who haven't had sex and are writing them based off what they have learned from other terrible smut fics. Basically a never ending circle of terribleness.
Some other things have happened, mostly seeing people read them in public (they have no fucking shame) and something else that gave me a heart attack.
I recently got a ereader, so yay light novels and such! I showed my mom and she asked if I could put books on her ereader (we got her the kobo Vox for christmas because she wanted something to play solitaire on). And she's just like, yea, put the Harry Potter books on, blah blah blha, and those FIFTY SHADES OF GREY books.
"No, you can't read those"
"Why? All the girls at work say they're good"
"But they aren't, it's twilight fanfictions with sex. I'd rather you read Twilight."
Yea, so I saved my family. I am the silent hero of the night here. Also, my mom knows what fics are since me and my sister talk about them all the time and my sister is writing a pretty popular Assassin's Creed fic right now.
ANYWAYS, much has happened today. I was listening to the radio at work and they started talking about there being a movie and how popular the books are.
So I whip out my phone and text my friend who knows many things.
Me: Omg, they are making 50 shades of grey movie???? So even though twilight is ending, it will spiritually live on through this new fic series?
Her: Yea. And I'd like to see the rating, considering it's basically softcore porn.
Me: Isn't there bondage too?
Her: Yes. And the tampon scene.
Me: What fucking tampon scene.
Me: Actually. I don't want to know. Don't tell me.
Her: Skype says you are online. It will be easier for me to send you a scan of the page.
SO I get home from work and click her tumblr links. Omg, it was worse than I thought. I even found myself watching some readings of Youtube.
This girl is amazing:
And this one too: [link]
So, I never have to read these books.
BUT WHY ARE THESE SO POPULAR?!?!?! LIKE ARE THESE WOMEN SO SEXUALLY REPRESSED THEY HAVE TO RESORT TO THIS BECAUSE IT'S SMUT IN DISGUISE?
Just fucking watch porn. Or something. The girl in the first video says this. I agree. girls are allowed to watch porn. They suck, but are better than these books. Well...okay. Maybe not....a lot of porn is really fucking bad.
I'm sorry, this is coming from someone who is used to the most terrible of things. Fuck man, I've practically lived on 4chan for the last several years and have seen so much that I've become immune to a lot of it.
[link], NSFW BTW. IT'S 4CHAN. AND /A/. SO CONFIRMED FOR BOOBS AND SHIT.
That's a link to the catalog of everything on /a/ right now. Which is the board I've lived on since March (and the reason why I never draw as often as I should). Nothing on there terrifies me more than this fucking series and how popular it is despite how terrible it is.
I am horrified.
How is this a published work?!?!?!
Omg, does this mean I am good to get published? If this shit is, it should be easy as shit to get Project FALL on store shelves. Meanwhile, reality is that a lot of great writers don't get published. Something that terrifies me every single day.
I'm going to watch Kokoro Connect and then join a thread/work on my drawing project.