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Let's talk about 50 Shades of Grey

Sat Sep 22, 2012, 5:26 PM


Alright, first off.

No, I haven't read them.

Now, lets move forward.

Back in January or February? I had this girl ask me if we had the book and I had no idea what it was. Anyways, I spent a good 20 minutes looking for it and we didn't have it. Maybe a week later I got a phone call asking for the 2nd book and we didn't have that yet or something.

Anyways, long story short, I knew something was up. Why were all these women suddenly asking about this damn book series. And maybe a couple days later, I saw a thread about it on Inheritance forums (the forums I use SOMETIMES).

I learned it was Twilight Fanfiction. Published Twilight Fan fiction.

Anyways, I discovered it was pretty much smut. The author was asked to publish and she just pretty much changed the names since it was an AU.

SO, I've spent the last several months judging everyone I see picking up the books at work (we have a book table right in front of my department) and asking how much the box set was.  I hadn't even read any excerpts  from them, but I figured that since it was Twlight fanfics, it had to be terrible and because it was full of smut and from ff.net....it was probably the typical and terribly written sex scene. Those ones where the writer is incapable of saying the words: vagina, dick, cock, penis etc etc and replaces them with manhood, member, sex, womanhood etcetc. Also, when they write out the actual length of the penis and all that other shit. Holy shit, don't do this people.

Not saying that they can't be done, it's just that most of the lemons are written by little girls who haven't had sex and are writing them based off what they have learned from other terrible smut fics. Basically a never ending circle of terribleness.

Some other things have happened, mostly seeing people read them in public (they have no fucking shame) and something else that gave me a heart attack.

I recently got a ereader, so yay light novels and such! I showed my mom and she asked if I could put books on her ereader (we got her the kobo Vox for christmas because she wanted something to play solitaire on). And she's just like, yea, put the Harry Potter books on, blah blah blha, and those FIFTY SHADES OF GREY books.

"No, you can't read those"
"Why? All the girls at work say they're good"
"But they aren't, it's twilight fanfictions with sex. I'd rather you read Twilight."
"Ohhhhhh...."

Yea, so I saved my family. I am the silent hero of the night here. Also, my mom knows what fics are since me and my sister talk about them all the time and my sister is writing a pretty popular Assassin's Creed fic right now.

ANYWAYS, much has happened today. I was listening to the radio at work and they started talking about there being a movie and how popular the books are.

Hold it.

A movie?

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I whip out my phone and text my friend who knows many things.

Me: Omg, they are making 50 shades of grey movie???? So even though twilight is ending, it will spiritually live on through this new fic series?

Her: Yea. And I'd like to see the rating, considering it's basically softcore porn.

Me: Isn't there bondage too?

Her: Yes. And the tampon scene.

Me: What fucking tampon scene.

Me: Actually. I don't want to know. Don't tell me.

Her: Skype says you are online. It will be easier for me to send you a scan of the page.

Me: ;-;

SO I get home from work and click her tumblr links. Omg, it was worse than I thought. I even found myself watching some readings of Youtube.

This girl is amazing:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi2o7i…

And this one too: www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&fea…

So, I never have to read these books.

BUT WHY ARE THESE SO POPULAR?!?!?! LIKE ARE THESE WOMEN SO SEXUALLY REPRESSED THEY HAVE TO RESORT TO THIS BECAUSE IT'S SMUT IN DISGUISE?

Just fucking watch porn. Or something. The girl in the first video says this. I agree. girls are allowed to watch porn. They suck, but are better than these books. Well...okay. Maybe not....a lot of porn is really fucking bad.

I'm sorry, this is coming from someone who is used to the most terrible of things. Fuck man, I've practically lived on 4chan for the last several years and have seen so much that I've become immune to a lot of it.

catalog.neet.tv/a/  …, NSFW BTW. IT'S 4CHAN. AND /A/. SO CONFIRMED FOR BOOBS AND SHIT.

That's a link to the catalog of everything on /a/ right now. Which is the board I've lived on since March (and the reason why I never draw as often as I should). Nothing on there terrifies me more than this fucking series and how popular it is despite how terrible it is.

I am horrified.

How is this a published work?!?!?!

Omg, does this mean I am good to get published?  If this shit is, it should be easy as shit to get Project FALL on store shelves. Meanwhile, reality is that a lot of great writers don't get published. Something that terrifies me every single day.

Grahhhhh.

I'm going to watch Kokoro Connect and then join a thread/work on my drawing project.

ELIZA~

  • Listening to: Skyward Sword credits
  • Reading: Project FALL
  • Watching: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood
  • Playing: Skyward Sword
  • Eating: Pasta
  • Drinking: Woody's
Add a Comment:
 
:icontriplecat:
Triplecat Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012
Every second girl at my school is reading the damn things. Try 16 year olds rocking up to class with their copy sitting on top of their notebooks. Then hearing your History teacher mention that she's read all of them. It's really kinda horrible.
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
That is terrible.

It's honestly almost like if guys walked around with playboys/talked about the latest issue or something.

I am horrified really.
Reply
:icontriplecat:
Triplecat Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012
That is a perfect comparison, which really says horrible things about the whole thing. Ugh, I'm really getting sick of it.
Reply
:iconlualmu102938:
LuAlMu102938 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree, our classroom DESPISES the series. Even our secret language for b*tch/slut is "fifty shades of gray" or simply "50 gray"
Reply
:iconsmudgethistle:
SmudgeThistle Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist
:XD: Thanks for an entertaining read! Sometimes people have no taste. They think good stuff is bad and bad stuff is good. -_- Story of my life. Popularity is all chance.
Reply
:icondragonheart27:
Dragonheart27 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
Oh gawd...published twilight fanfiction. Faith in humanity, down 20%. I have never heard of it before, but shall now take great pains in avoiding it.
Reply
:icondeathpuppet13:
deathpuppet13 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
my sister read the first book and when she explained it to me i was like WTF!!! How is that a book?? she just shook her head like it was some joke that had gone over my head. Well if that garbage can get published then my pg-13 garbage should be able to!!!
Reply
:iconsaphira3479:
saphira3479 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
i know exactly where youre coming from, my friends had told me all about it, so seeing it on sale for about 3 (WAY too expensive for that much rubbish in one book) i foolishly bought it. probably worst waste of 3 i have ever spent. honestly, i found it funny for the first 20 pages or so, in an ironic "how on earth can something written this badly be published" kind of way...then it sunk in there were at least another 300 pages left, and two other books after that. seriously, i dont think i was ever so disappointed in every person that has ever read that book. but well done for saving your family from that, you have saved a few from the rubbish that is 50 shades of grey. i salute you :salute:
whats almost as bad is that apparently they are re-writing the jane austen novels like pride and prejudice in a 50 shades style...:no:
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
The worst is seeing people in public read them.

In a 50 shades style? How? Maybe that author is more competent or something. There's no way it could be...ALSO HOW DOES THAT WORK WITH JANE AUSTEN'S PLOT? Ever? I don't want to know these things.
Reply
:iconsaphira3479:
saphira3479 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
I know, its so awful :no: yeah, my friend (who really likes it...that was disappointing to find out) told me about it, I really dont see how but my god, it would be upsetting .___.
Reply
:iconschneemaehne:
Schneemaehne Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
Holy...?! I've seen this book everywhere here. I never cared, 'cause I have a giant mass of books I still want to read and it's a bad habit to buy more if you still have to read approx. 10k pages of other stuff. But I had to shop new books and stuff for school. Went into a dozen bookshops, eyes half closed. And it was there, schmalzy looking on the "new in stock" tables and so on. Never layed a finger on it or looked up what it was about. And now your journal - I can't believe it! The fuck?! A Twilight-FF-novel-porn-whatever published? And made into a goddamn movie? Good thing I didn't touch it. Maybe armageddon is really going to happen after all...
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You can't even read the back cover without laughing.

It's so bad.
Reply
:iconschneemaehne:
Schneemaehne Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012
Heading to town right now. I think I'll try it...
(Even if I'm kinda afraid to touch it...)
Reply
:iconsteampunknixie:
SteampunkNixie Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank God I am not the only one. Read some of it and it was just TERRIBLE. I don't understand WHY people like that sort of stuff. Personally, I find most "romantic" novels absurd - I mean, they only describe the attraction and sex more so than than what makes the person attractive or WHY they are in love as well as what is happening AROUND them. How does that make things "romantic"?
I unfortunately had the displeasure of reading a steampunk romance: utter trash. I wanted more character development, plot development from the other characters, and steampunk accessories but no: the writer only went to lengths to describe the attraction and sex scenes between the two main characters. Literature is, unfortunately, dying. Hopefully our generation and the next few can fix that.
Reply
:icon46kibahime:
46Kibahime Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A friend of mine's mom has it on her kendal. When he asked her what she had it for, she just shrugged. Later he finds out from some of his pals that if you walk into any sex shop and say "50 shades" they already know exactly what you want and tell you that they just rean out of stock. Also, aparrently there was a survey showing that wherever the book was realeased, there was a destinct increase in the amount of rope purchased at hardwhere stores by women.

It's disgusting.
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
:<

You serious? Rope has been selling better because of this? WTF?
Reply
:icon46kibahime:
46Kibahime Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Evidently.
Reply
:iconfiery-mox:
Fiery-Mox Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
In reality, one of the largest markets for gay porn novels/gay smut is middle aged women. I know this because I am internets.

One time. I was feeling shitty, and moping around a ski resort in Colorado. I saw some woman reading 50 shades of grey and I spent a good 10 minutes snickering from the next table over.
Later, her husband and two kids walked up to her table. Husband. Kids. And she's just sittin' there, reading smut.
what the fuck.
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Those are just grown up yaoi fangirls. I've never liked the boy love stuff tbh, mostly because there is nothing to identify with and the fans are like cancer/terrible. Girl love is a different story though.

That is horrifying. I saw some woman reading it on the subway train...and like...you shouldn't read that in public man. It doesn't look like the typical smut lit cover, but a fair few people know what it is. Either get an EReader or don't read it in public.

Gaaaahh, this is all Twilight's fault.
Reply
:iconalerane:
Alerane Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Professional General Artist
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
OMFG
Reply
:iconalerane:
Alerane Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Professional General Artist
beautiful isn't it? 8U
Reply
:icondovextiger-ivyxhawk:
DoveXTiger-IvyXHawk Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My grandmother has these on our coffee table. I'm going to have to go to therapy, I think.
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
....I...don't know what to say. That is terrible.
Reply
:icondovextiger-ivyxhawk:
DoveXTiger-IvyXHawk Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It really is. Sometimes I just move them to a different room so I'm not seeing them every time I look at the table. And she never even tries to defend herself when I ask her about them. It's just really, really awkward.
Reply
:iconthepalelady:
thepalelady Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I remember hearing about 50 shades of Grey and just kind of going ... "oh god no." because i knew it was basically porn without a plot.

what i didn't know is that it's actually a twilight fanfiction? and they're making a movie? *has lost hope for humanity*
Reply
:iconjaqueline-keen:
Jaqueline-Keen Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I remeber when it suddenly appeared in mass numbers on bookshelves, then I found out what it was and spent a week convincing my sister not to buy it, I was successful in my endeavour.
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
High five man. We need to protect our families.
Reply
:iconjaqueline-keen:
Jaqueline-Keen Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know, bloody hell there is so much horrible literature these days.
Reply
:iconnewmoonlove955:
Newmoonlove955 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
*nods through whole journal* FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS!! :iconletmehugyouplz:
I totally agree with everything you just said. I think the book is a total disgrace. My mom read them... :T I have no interest in them just because my favorite types of reading really isn't 'realism'. I like fantasy with powers and AU's and stuff like that.

I read Twilight years ago (around the age of 10) and that's what got me to be an avid reader but as I began reading more and more books I began realizing just how much Twilight SUCKED compared to books like The Inheritence Cycle, The Night World books and many other great books.

Since 50 Shades Of Gray was a Twilight FF I'm guessing it will have the same sort of sucky, under developed characters as in Twilight so I have no interest in reading them, even if I do enjoy a few smutty books.
Reply
:iconazarathedragon:
AzaratheDragon Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Student General Artist
bleck! Total bleck of crap. I hate twilight and anything related to it because it doesn't follow the dang thing of how vampires and werewolves work. Normal vampire steps in the sunlight and burns to death, Edward steps into it and all this sparkly crap starts going on. Jacob can turn into a werewolf when he wants, i was taught it was only on full moons. The writer isn't even following proper mythology with them. She needs to get her head on straight and be ashamed of everything she has written, and the same goes for the fifty shades of grey crap, anyone who likes it needs to be ashamed.
Reply
:iconsora-bubble:
sora-bubble Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012
yeah i'll admit i got the book to see what the hell it was about, and let me tell you, after flipping through and seeing a sex scene, yeah i threw the book to my dog who ripped it up real fastlol

i hope they don't honestly make a movie, it was soooo badly written! i mean, i could have written better when i was 10, come one people! and yes i think the women are just desperite, but seriously, just fucking google porn, anything has to be better than that book!
Reply
:iconthe--overseer:
The--Overseer Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I knew when this came up in my Deviations box, there would be major giggles. I am still giggling like a mad-man while writing this

My whole family made fun of the fact that it was basically badly written smut. My older sister's boyfriend (A completely awesome person) Got the whole series for her. It was hilarious seeing her reaction to such a terrible book. I am tempted to read it to see how awful it is.

....
...
..
.

Wait, a MOVIE!? They are going to be making a movie about 50 shades of grey? Isn't that just basically porn?
Reply
:iconelizalento:
ElizaLento Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I want to read them too a bit, just so I can see how terrible they are and make fun of them properly. So when little shits go "you can't say anything bad about it if you haven't read it" I can go "YES I HAVE AND THEY ARE HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE WASTES OF TREES." Which is what I do for Twilight.

And yes. This is what me and my friend want to know too. R-rated movie for sure.
Reply
:iconthe--overseer:
The--Overseer Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Indeed. Twilight was horrible. Very very horrible. Vampires are supposed to kill. Not love, kill. Kill god dammit. What's so hard about that Edward? You tilt her neck, and dig in. =_=

... I still can't believe it...
Reply
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September 22, 2012
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